Dying Wish
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Jude- The governor of Kentucky’s secretary
Governor Becker – Governor of Kentucky
Secretary Furman – Secretary of Transportation
Ted – A news anchor
Timmy – A kid who wants to be a sports caster
Lights come up on one side of the stage. Gov. Becker is at his desk. His phone intercom buzzes.
JUDY- Governor? Secretary Furman is here.
BECKER- Send him in, please.
Furman enters.
FURMAN- You wanted to see me, sir?
BECKER- Bill, I appointed you Secretary of State Transportation.
FURMAN- You married my sister?
BECKER- No.
FURMAN- The million bucks I contributed to the smear campaign against your opponent?
BECKER- You were supposed to bring class back to the state through our highway systems and our license plates.
FURMAN- Oh yeah. That.
BECKER- I expected great things from you. Headlines drawing people to our state. Instead, I get this.
Becker shows Furman a newspaper.
FURMAN- "Kentucky Plates Reach New Level of Goofy."
BECKER- Front page, Wall Street Journal, Bill!
FURMAN- You wanted headlines.
BECKER- We’re the laughing stock of the entire nation, and Canada! And why? Because we have a smiley face in our license plate and the slogan "One Big Happy Family." Like we don’t get enough crap about being inbred in Kentucky.
FURMAN- Sorry, Dan. I guess I didn’t think about the design. I chose the plate because the story behind it was the kind of thing Extreme Makeover: Home Edition thrives upon.
BECKER- Yeah? What’s that?
FURMAN- It was designed by a kid with Stanley’s Syndrome.
BECKER- What in the bluegrass is Stanley’s Syndrome?
FURMAN- Some terminal disease this kid has and will probably die of. It plays great in the press.
BECKER- (holds up the newspaper) This is not good press! This reminds me of the time I was with that minor league team in Louisville. Some sick kid in the hospital wished that he could rename the team the Sparkling Rainbows. You have no idea the ribbing we got from other teams on the road.
FURMAN- But we can’t deny their wishes. These are dying kids!
BECKER- Kids, Bill! We’re letting kids make policy decisions! If we don’t draw the line, where will it end?
Lights dim on Becker and Furman. Spotlight on the far side of the stage comes up on Ted at his anchor desk.
TED- Good evening, and welcome to the after bed time news, the news that comes on after bed time instead of before so you don’t miss your favorite TV shows. Today President Shaquille O’Neal took on bad guy Osama bin Laden in a game of one on one, to once and for all determine the winner in the long standing War on Terror. After losing to President Shaq 24 to nothing, bin Laden agreed to surrender, close all his terrorist camps, and open basketball camps instead. Meanwhile at the United Nations, US Ambassador Will Smith and Australian Ambassador Captain Feathersword put the finishing touches on the world wide treaty to end nuclear war. As part of the treaty, all the countries of the world agreed to take all the money they were spending on weapons use it to raising ponies. To celebrate this historic treaty, Vice President Britney Spears put on a concert in Central Park that was totally free. Now for sports, here’s little Timmy Jenkins.
Little Timmy enters.
TIMMY- (yells) Cubs win!!! Cubs win!!! Cubs win the World Series!!!
Little Timmy exits.
TED- Now for the weather. Clear, sunny skies with a cool breeze tomorrow, just perfect for playing football or being a ballerina princess. You can expect the same exact forecast every day for the rest of the year except Christmas, when there will be lots and lots of snow. Up next in entertainment, who won the Emmy Award: Dora the Explorer or Pokemon? You’ll find out after this!
Lights out on Ted. Lights up on Furman and Becker.
BECKER- On second thought, maybe the kids are on to something. Maybe if we listened to them we could make this a better place.
FURMAN- You could start by giving them your job.
BECKER- Let’s not get crazy there, Bill.
Copyright 2006 by Sunday School Dropouts