The Parable of the Bad Undercover Cop

The Parable of the Bad (but not in a good way) Undercover Cop

By Mary Schmelz and John Cosper

CHARACTERS

B-Koo' A'ight- Tough chick from the streets

Cop- A very bad undercover cop

Announcer

(B'Koo' is on stage, chillin'. The Cop enters with a spring in her step, then catches herself, and starts to swagger like a hip street person.)

COP- Hey there! Are you B-Cool Aid?

B-KOO'- What?

COP- I'm lookin' for someone my (looks at cue card of "hip" sayings) homies told me to

find, B-Cool Aid?

B-KOO'- B-Cool Aid?

COP- Yeah!

B-KOO'- Don' ya mean B-Koo' A'ight?

COP- Uh, yeah, that's who I mean... (looks at cue card) dog.

B-KOO'- You be sure? 'Cause you don' sound sure.

COP- I'm sure. I am!

B-KOO'- So, you must be my boy Ronde's girl?

COP- Yeah, that's right. I'm Ronde's girl. I run with Ronde. 'Cause I'm his girl. (looks at

cue card) Word.

B-KOO'- Yeah? Well, I don't trust Ronde's peeps. Last girl Ronde dated, she turn out ta

be a cop.

COP- Uh, cop?? I'm not a cop. I mean, (checks cue card) I ain't no cop. What you (checks

cue card) be talkin about, foo'?

B-KOO'- You sure you ain't no cop?

COP- Is the Pope Catholic?

B-KOO'- What???

COP- I mean, (checks cue card) Is Tupac da bomb?

B-KOO'- Well if you ain't no cop, what's with that ride of yours?

COP- Ride? (checks card) Oh you mean my phat car. Isn't it fly?

B-KOO'- Yeah, it's fly. But why it got a police shield on the door?

COP- What? Oh, that's the thing, yo.

B-KOO'- Whatchoo talkin' 'bout?

COP- Yeah, (checks card) G. I had the choice. I coulda got a police shield, or a picture of

Darth Vader. I chose the cop thing 'cause I don' like Star Trek, but I ain't no cop.

B-KOO'- Then how come you got flashing lights on top of your car?

COP- Lights? Don't you know? That's the thing, yo. People used to be puttin' lights under

the cars. Now we put them on top.

B-KOO'- What for?

COP- For the parties. The (checks card) phat parties I be checkin'.

B-KOO'- Huh, sounds like down party.

COP- Is that good or bad?

B-KOO'- If you weren't no cop, you'd know what I mean.

COP- I'm not a cop!! I mean (checks card) I ain't no cop, yo!

B-KOO'- Oh yeah? How come your ride say "Police" on the back?
COP- Oh that? That don't say Police. That's code.

B-KOO'- Code for what?

COP- It's code for, "I ain't no po-po."

B-KOO'- Po-po? What's po-po?

COP- Well if you were (checks cue card) I mean, was down, you'd know.

B-KOO'- I'm down, but I ain't never heard that code.

COP- That's because (checks cue card) you ain't down in my hood.

B-KOO'- I don't think I wanna be down in your hood. And I definitely don't wanna be

down with no cop.

COP- I ain't no cop!

B-KOO'- Oh yeah? If you ain't no cop, then tell me... who would win in a fight between

Snoop Dogg and Wolverine?

COP- WOLVERINE!! SNICKETY SNICKETY!!

B-KOO'- That's it! You a cop!!

(B-Koo' drags the Cop off stage.)

COP- No I'm not! I'm not a cop. Help!! I need back up!! Officer... I mean, not an officer

in distress!

ANNOUNCER- This skit was brought to you as a public service message. You know a lot of people do everything they can to be something other than who God made them to be, and that's sad. You are beautiful the way God made you, and we want to encourage you to always be yourself, no matter where you go or who you are with. The only time you should ever be something other than yourself is if you are an undercover cop.

(Sound effect of gunshot or painful scream off stage.)

ANNOUNCER- Cause that might be bad.

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