Goodbye, Mr. Sulu

By Jack & Gretchen Hall

CHARACTERS

Jill, Scott, Larry- Star Trek fans

Bill- A newcomer to the Trek Fan Club

Other Trekkies

A podium is on stage facing several chairs. A funeral wreath is by the podium, along with a large picture of Mr. Sulu, which is covered with a sheet. Jill, Scott, Larry, and other Trek fans mill about. Bill enters.

BILL- Uh, excuse me? Is this the Christian Trek Club?

JILL- It is indeed. Welcome, fellow Trekkie. I’m Jill.

BILL- Jill, I’m Bill.

JILL- Ah! Like our beloved captain’s namesake! That’s so cool.

BILL- Yes, right.

JILL- We’re so glad you could join us.

BILL- Well, a friend at church told me about you all, so I just had to check it out.

JILL- This is one of the best Trek fan clubs in the nation. Believe me, I’ve moved around a lot, and nothing compares.

Larry steps to the podium.

LARRY- If we could take our seats please.

Everyone sits down.

LARRY- Friends, we had planned on tonight being a fun night celebrating our own Mr. Scott’s birthday with an Uhura-shaped cake. But as you who watch the news know, today we are in mourning. We’ve lost another beloved member of that fabled Enterprise crew. And tonight, we lay him to rest.

BILL- (to Jill) Oh my gosh! Who died??

Larry takes the sheet off Sulu’s portrait. The Trek fans wail in sorrow.

LARRY- Yes, it’s true. We’ve lost Mr. Sulu, folks. George Takei is now dead to us. The man whose cunning and piloting skills saved the Enterprise time and time again. Now… now he is no more.

BILL- Wait a minute. George Takei died??

SCOTT- Yes, he died! What do you think this is, April Fools?

JILL- Surely you heard. It was all over the news.

BILL- They never said that he died. All they said was that Mr. Sulu is gay.

Silence. Stares at Bill.

LARRY- You are mistaken, sir. Mr. Sulu was many things. A hero. A warrior. Asian. But neither he, nor any other crew member of NCC-1701 is, was, or ever will be gay!

BILL- Um, I beg to differ with you, but I think you’re wrong on the gay thing.

SCOTT- Romulan smear tactics! You, sir, are besmirching the name of our hero!

BILL- He’s an actor. He played a role on TV and in the movies. A lot of those folks are gay.

JILL- But Mr. Sulu can’t be gay!

BILL- Why not?

LARRY- Because it’s a sin, that’s why! It’s a black mark on the treasured memories we all have on VHS and DVD.

SCOTT- And laser.

LARRY- Thank you, and Laserdisc, for those who haven’t bought into the DVD revolution.

SCOTT- The picture quality is still superior—

LARRY- Not now, Mr. Scott! We’ll debate video formats another time when we’re not in mourning.

JILL- Mr. Chairman? Hi. I had a thought to share with the group.

LARRY- Please, go right ahead.

JILL- Thank you. As some of you all know, I meet with a ladies’ fan group every Wednesday known as Uhura’s Tea Circle, ant at our meeting today, we had an idea. Given the advances now available in computer and video technology, could we fix all our old videos of the original Trek series and take Mr. Sulu out digitally?

LARRY- A bittersweet thought, but excellent thinking. Do I hear further discussion?

SCOTT- It might ease the pain, Mr. Chairman. But I think we need to replace him with a good, heterosexual, Christian character.

LARRY- Great thinking, Mr. Scott. Any one else have a thought?

BILL- I do. Look, you’re nice people, and I appreciate you love the Lord. But I think you all are going a little overboard with this. First of all, you’re blurring the line between fantasy and reality. And second of all, even if he is gay, does that mean he can’t be our hero?

ALL- YES!!!

Bill stands He slowly starts talking like William Shatner as the dialogue continues. The theme from the old Star Trek show starts up and plays softly underneath.

BILL- I don’t believe what I’m hearing. For three years, Mr. Sulu was at the helm of a might starship. He thought, strategized, and fought right alongside the others. Did any of them ever question Mr. Sulu’s personal life? Not Spock. Not Scotty. Not Chekov, McCoy, or Uhura. Not even Captain Kirk. How could he? Surely if we kill off Sulu we have to kill Kirk.

SCOTT- Kirk wasn’t gay!

JILL- Being gay is a sin! It’s written in the Bible!

BILL- It is also written, do not commit adultery. And yet Captain Kirk hopped in bed with anything female. Black, white, brown, blue, furry. It just didn’t matter to him.

LARRY- It’s not the same.

BILL- Sin is sin, my friends. If we condemn Sulu to death, we must also condemn Kirk for his adulteries. McCoy for his vulgarity. And Spock, for his total lack of a sense of humor. These heroes were all sinners like us, and yet they did… incredibly brave things. Did God take away King David’s accomplishments because of Bathsheba? Can we take away Mr. Sulu’s for the choices he made?

LARRY- Are you trying to ruin all our heroes?

BILL- Not at all. Just… reminding us that… all have sinned. And yet all were created in God’s image. You. Me. Mr. Sulu.

SCOTT- I thought he was created by Gene Roddenberry.

BILL- I gotta tell you, God looks at all our sins with disappointment. But he still loves us. He loved us enough… to die for us. As…Spock did for the good of the many in Wrath of Khan, he has done far more for us. And in light of that sacrifice, how can we judge anyone?

JILL- Aw, crap, he’s got us there. How can we accept Jesus’ love and not love everyone?

LARRY- Yeah! Sulu’s still a hero, no matter what his sexual preference.

SCOTT- And if we hate him for being gay, we’re no better than the Klingons who hate everyone without a bumpy forehead.

LARRY- What do you say, crew? All in favor of continuing to honor the living legacy of Mr. Sulu?

ALL- I!!

LARRY- Motion carries.

Bill sits down. Music fades out.

LARRY- Well, now we don’t have a memorial. And we canceled the Uhura-shaped cake. What shall we talk about?

SCOTT- How about we use that digital technology Jill mentioned to get rid of Riker’s beard? That thing made him look like a total dweeb.

Blackout.

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