This Is Your Sex Life

This Is Your Sex Life!

CHARACTERS

Rich and Cheryl- Honeymooners

Game Show Host

Leslie- Cheerleader

High School Basketball Team (5)

Sandy and Mandy- Twins

Mr. Jones- Cheryl's Boss

Bambi- Prostitute

Pete

Sam

(Enter Rich and Cheryl into hotel room with suitcases. They sit on bed.)

RICH- You know, Cheryl, I've never- done it before.

CHERYL- Neither have I. Isn't this great? Two virgins on our honeymoon night.

(Game Show Host pops up from behind bed.)

HOST- Gooooooooood evening, ladies and gentlemen! We're broadcasting LIVE from the Niagara Falls Motel 6 honeymoon suite to bring you America's favorite TV show- This Is Your Sex Life! Please Say Hello to tonight's guests, Rich and Cheryl. Now you heard these two lovely young lovers say they were virgins, but, as you might guess, that's just not true. We've pulled out ALL the skeletons from both of their closets and flown them all in for tonight's show! Why? Because viewers like you love smutty TV like this! OK, Rich, we'll start with you. Senior Year. You just dropped the winning touchdown in the state championship. You were very upset, but your girlfriend took you under the bleachers and cheered you up in a way only she could. And here she is- the captain of the cheerleading squad, Leslie!

(Enter Leslie, who is trying to hide her face- all characters enter in same way.)

CHERYL- Rich, you lied to me?

HOST- He's not the only one who's done some lying- or with a background in athletics. Rich, meet Cheryl's first- and second, and third, and fourth, AND Fifth! Yes, it's the entire starting line up from the high school basketball team!

(Enter basketball team.)

RICH -Cheryl!

HOST- Rich, you certainly married quite a woman- but I wonder how she'll stack up to the Anderson twins- Sandy and Mandy!

(Enter Sandy and Mandy.)

RICH- Oh yeah. How could I forget them?

TWINS- We WISH we could forget you!

HOST- Cheryl, I understand you're one of the youngest corporate executives in America.

CHERYL- Yes, and I worked very hard to get there.

HOST- Of course you did! You climbed the corporate ladder swiftly- by way of the corporate couch! And here's the owner of that corporate couch, your first boss, Mr. Jones!

(Enter Mr. Jones.)

RICH- I don't believe this!

HOST- Now, Rich, we wouldn't dream of omitting some of your past business dealings!

RICH- I wish you would.

HOST- Here she is, Rich! A woman you once made a, shall we say, "Business Transaction" with- Bambi VaVoom!

(Enter Bambi, who unlike the other people, is completely unashamed. She runs her fingers through Rich's hair.)

HOST- We originally had planned to have Bambi bring along all of her former business partners, but, unfortunately, we didn't have room to bring them all here. Last but not least, we have Pete and Sam.

(Enter Pete and Sam.)

CHERYL- Well, I remember Pete, but I don't think I remember Sam.

RICH- (real embarrassed) Uhhh, I think I do.

HOST- Yes, here they are! All of your former conquests! But what does that matter? Now that you're married, you'll remain faithful, right? And there's no reason why you should doubt that your spouse is gonna stay faithful to you, right? But just bear in mind- in those private moments you spend together, there'll be a little of each and every person up here involved in he action, because This Is Your Sex Life! Good night, everybody!

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