Church Office Space

Church Office Space: As Seen On TV!
By Jack & Gretchen Hall

CHARACTERS
Pastor Lumburgh
Don, Russ, Bob- Elders

LUMBURGH- Yeah, so we're all agreed then. We will no longer buy the more expensive, fluffy toilet paper for the youth ministry wing.
RUSS- That just doesn't seem fair, Pastor. You're punishing the innocent just because a few people abused their TP privileges.
LUMBURGH- Yeah. It's just that, if certain people are going to use the TP to wrap around my car during Sunday service, I just don't see where we need to buy the softer, more expensive toilet tissue.
RUSS- Can't we just make the immature people leave?
LUMBURGH- Ooh, yeah, I uh, I don't see where that's possible. I mean what would Jesus do? Would he throw out children?
RUSS- But it wasn't children, it was the youth pastor!
LUMBURGH- Yeah, and if you'll recall, the youth pastor's father is a long standing member with a rather substantial tithe.
DON- Russ, if we give you a key to the Pastor's lounge, would that make you feel better?
RUSS- Yeah. I think that might.
LUMBURGH- Then we're agreed. Okay, uh, moving on. We have a new marketing campaign to approve. Bob?
BOBBY- Thank you, Pastor Lumburgh. As you all know, The Passion of the Christ has become a big hit. It comes back around every Easter, and it's got a lot of people interested in our good buddy JC. So we decided to start a new TV campaign to capitalize on this new interest.
LUMBURGH- Yeah. We went to a great expense to make this one so... let's see it.

VIDEO- Montage of shots of church, service, people, etc.

ANNOUNCER- As seen on TV... You've seen the movie, now come live the life! Sunnyside Megachurch invites you to meet Jesus, star of "The Passion of the Christ" and "Jesus Christ Superstar", every week at our worship services! Get to know the man who bled and died for you in the comfort or our new, 10,000 seat, state-of-the-art auditorium. Enjoy inspired worship from our award-winning Sunnyside Worship and Praise Ensemble, and a dowel rod skit from the Sunnyside Theatrical Players! The kids will enjoy Kiddie Church, featuring the Sunnyside Puppets on Sunnyside Street. Plus, let our friendly coffee shop staff know you're a first time visitor, and enjoy a free iced cappuccino on us!

(Cut to a photo of Mel Gibson.)

MEL - (dubbed voice of someone trying to sound Australian) G'day, mates. You saw my movie. Now come meet the star at Sunnyside Church!

(Video ends.)

BOB- Well, what do you think?
RUSS- Wow.
DON- That's exciting.
RUSS- That'll really put people in the seats!
BOB- Pastor?
LUMBURGH- Ooh, yeah, uh... I don't know if we should end it with Mel Gibson. You see, from what I hear, Mel is a statue loving Catholic, and that might send a mixed message.
DON- He's right. Can we lose Mel?
BOB- Sure. But who do we stick in there?
RUSS- How about Michael W. Smith?
RUSS- Oh, I like that. "Come be friends forever with
Jesus."
DON- Great idea. Our attendance will explode!
LUMBURGH- Yeah

Home Contact Us