RITE OF
SPRING
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Raven, Rainbow, Sunshine- Modern pagan wannabes
Norm- An ancient pagan spirit
It is spring. In an open
field, Raven, Rainbow, and Sunshine enter.
RAVEN- Ancient spirits, we
call upon thee. Come and here our pagan cry. I Raven!
RAINBOW- I Rainbow!
SUNSHINE- I Sunshine!
RAVEN- We join our voices
as one, longing to share in your pagan rite of spring.
RAINBOW- Come to us spirit.
Come and tell us your ways.
SUNSHINE- Show us how we
too may seek the mystery of the renewal of spring!
RAVEN/RAINBOW/SUNSHINE-
Renew! Renew! Renew! Renew!
Norm enters.
NORM- Hey, hey hey! What's
all the noise? Gosh. Can't a long dead pagan rest?
SUNSHINE- He has come! The
pagan has heard our summons!
NORM- Are you kidding?
Everyone from ancient Greece to Macedonia heard your yackin'. What do you want?
RAVEN- Oh ancient one.
NORM- Watch it with the
ancient cracks, kid.
RAVEN- We come here to
celebrate the pagan rites of spring. We have read of your mysterious ways, how
you marked the renewal of all things green, the rebirth of nature.
NORM- What? Oh yeah. Rites
of spring. Gosh, those were some times. Bonfires, dances, virgin sacrifices.
Heck, we did a lot of crazy things back then.
SUNSHINE- We wish to
celebrate them all over again! The dances! The bonfires! Everything.
RAINBOW- Except the virgin
part. We, uh, we don't know any.
NORM- Gosh, it's been so
long, I don't even remember the dance steps. Besides, none of that matters now.
Not since Jesus.
RAVEN- Not since what?
NORM- Jesus. You know, son
of God, died on a cross, rose from the grave on Easter? What? You kids never
went to Sunday School?
RAINBOW- The ancient one
speaks of Christianity!
SUNSHINE- We do not hold to
these modern beliefs.
NORM- You don't, huh?
SUNSHINE- Easter was a
mask, forced upon our ancestors by the followers of Christ who sought to
destroy your beautiful ways.
NORM- Ha-ha, beautiful
ways, huh? You kids obviously never saw a virgin sacrifice. I did clean up crew
one year. (shudders) Yeah, I was real glad we did away with all that.
RAVEN- But why? Why would
you accept the Christian ways over your own?
NORM- Well the truth is
when we found out about Jesus, all those mysteries, as you call 'em, were
solved.
RAINBOW- What?
NORM- Sure. Every winter,
we saw the whole world die. Then in the spring, it came back to life. Back then
we never heard of any Hebrews or their God, but just looking at nature, we knew
somebody was up there
trying to tell us
something. That's why we did all that crap.
SUNSHINE- It's not crap!
It's the divine wisdom of the ancients!
NORM- Wisdom? Ha-ha! Oh,
man, that's rich. You guys aren't members of the Flat Earth Society too, are
you?
RAINBOW- The ancient one
mocks us.
NORM- Of course I'm mocking
you, you goofy hippy!
RAVEN- But why?
NORM- Because unlike us,
you geniuses can't recognize the answer to the questions you're asking. We
never saw Jesus. None of us ever met him. But once we knew his story, we
worshipped him. We embraced the truth,
and nobody felt sad about
it. Especially the virgins.
RAVEN- But you can't prove
that Jesus was real! You can't show me proof that your spring rites and Easter
were his plan all along!
NORM- No, and you can't
prove they weren't. It all comes down to faith. I found enough evidence in the
Jesus story to make me believe. The sacrifice of innocent blood so others could
live; the resurrection of the dead; it all made sense. It just cracks me up how
you learned the Jesus story first, but can't see the forest for the trees.
SUNSHINE- Of course we see
the forest. It's right over there!
NORM- Right. Maybe some day
you'll get it. Until then do me a favor. No more spring wake up calls. I'm
enjoying my eternal peace.
Norm exits.
RAVEN- Well that was a let
down.
SUNSHINE- What do we do? We
don't have to go to church, do we?
RAINBOW- My Uncle Dudley
has a copy of "Dianetics."
RAVEN- Why not?
They exit.
Copyright
2006 by Sunday School Dropouts