Church Office Space: For the Young People

CHARACTERS

Pastor Lumburgh

Doug, Bill, Don, Larry- Deacons

Gus- The old deacon

Our eldest son and his new bride are members of a big church in the Midwest. Our son sits on the deacon's committee, not as a deacon but as the group secretary, keeping the minutes of every meeting. He sent us this transcript from the last meeting, which we thought... well, why not post it as is, and make a cute little skit? We think it makes a point.

- Jack & Gretchen

LUMBURGH- So you should ask yourselves, with everything you do, Is this good for the church? Amen?

ALL- Amen.

LUMBURGH- Yeah. Now, let's open the floor for discussion. Doug, you wanted to address a new ministry?

DOUG- Yes, Pastor. I was thinking it might be a good time to start a young adults ministry. We seem to graduate a lot of kids from the student ministry who go off to college and vanish. Don't you think we should do something for them? Maybe a late night program during the week or--

LUMBURGH- Oooh, yeah, uh... I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of, disagree with you there? Yeah. You see, we're already so maxed out on the weekly schedule, I just don't see where we have the time for another program.

DOUG- We could use the fireside room on Tuesdays. There's nothing happening there.

LUMBURGH- Yeah, uh, that's not going to work. You see, that's the classroom our elder members class meets, and frankly, they, uh, contribute a lot more money than the young adults. Which is another reason not to do the program.

DOUG- But, Pastor, I'm willing to lead the program volunteer.

LUMBURGH- Yeah, uh, that's great, but you see, we have fixed costs like electricity and water.

DOUG- But these kids are leaving church for good! Someone help me out here.

BILL- Perhaps we could ask the students to bring in candles so we save on lights? Young people like worshipping with candles.

LUMBURGH- Okay, I like what I'm hearing.

DON- And we can lock the bathrooms. They can hold it for 45 minutes.

LUMBURGH- Yeah, uh, if they could do that, that would be great. All in favor?

MOST- Aye.

LUMBURGH- Opposed?

GUS- Nay.

LUMBURGH- Yeah, motion carries. But the second this costs us a dime, we'll have to uh... pray about it. Now, who was next?

LARRY- Pastor? The outreach committee received an invitation to co-host a major music event in town. As chair of the committee, I think this is a great chance to do something for the community, as well as get our name out there.

LUMBURGH- Yeah, right. Now who was it that gave us the invitation?

LARRY- The Methodist Church on Silver--

LUMBURGH- Ooooh, yeah, uhh... that's not gonna work for us. You see, the Methodists tend to be a bit liberal, and I'm just not sure we want to be associated with them. You see, we can't have them deceiving people into believing lies like "women can be pastors" and "sprinkling is the same as immersion."

LARRY- What if we took total control of the altar call?

LUMBURGH- Yeah, uh, that might be more to God's will. All in favor?

MOST- Aye!

LUMBURGH- Opposed?

GUS- Nay.

LUMBURGH- Yeah, uh, motion carries. Next?

DON- Pastor, we have received an invitation to participate in the Humonga Community Church Leadership Conference this June. They asked if we would be a satellite location. We would play host for churches from all over the tri-county area.

LUMBURGH- Oooh, yeah, Humonga. They have certainly been good to us in the past. We've, uh, had a lot of growth from adopting their policies. But I'm just not sure we can open our doors to other churches like that. You see, we can't have Pentecostals wanting to speak in tongues during worship, or Catholics praying to their saints while true men of God try to save their souls.

DON- They've offered us 20% of the registration fees and a new satellite system.

LUMBURGH- All in favor?

ALL- Aye!

LUMBURGH- Motion carries.