Taking Offense

By Jack & Gretchen Hall

CHARACTERS

Brian- A compassionate Christian

Roger- A Christian who loves to offend

Brian enters.

BRIAN- I was a senior in high school when it happened. It was the beginning of basketball season, and we were in the middle of a scrimmage. I lost my man in the shuffle playing defense, and the guy scored a quick lay up, prompting my ex-Marine coach to proclaim, in front of all my friends and the cheerleaders, that if his brothers in arms played defense like me, we'd all be speaking German right now.

I was offended.

Three years ago, I was working this horrible job for a software company, struggling to get by on entry level pay. I got the opportunity to work on a project for a very important client. The job came in early, on-budget, so I took a chance and handed my boss a letter, detailing my work history and asking for a raise. He laughed, blew his nose on it, and told me he could replace me with an untrained monkey.

I was offended.

I've met a lot of offensive people in my life. But no one, absolutely no one holds a candle to my friend Roger.

Roger enters.

ROGER- Hey, murderer! Yeah you, the lady going in to work at the abortion clinic! How would you like it if I stuck a vacuum hose in your office and sucked you out piece by piece, murderer?

BRIAN- Yes, he actually said that. But that's Roger for ya. He has his beliefs, and he loves to share them. Like when his co-worker Dave decided to move in with his girlfriend.

ROGER- Really? So, you're gonna be a FORNICATOR now, huh? Livin' in sin, shackin' up! Well, you may think that's cozy now, but it won't be so cozy one day when you're bunked up in Hell!

BRIAN- And the time his sister was going through a divorce.

ROGER- Well that's just great, Margie. Just poop on the marriage that the Lord brought together, the one you vowed to hold together til death do you part. I don't care if he did cheat on you! He'll go to Hell for that! No reason you have to follow him with your dirty little divorce!

BRIAN- Roger loves to discuss religion. And he's very vocal about what he believes.

ROGER- No, my kids do NOT believe in Santa Claus! You know why? Take the word Santa, move the N, and what have you got? SATAN!!

BRIAN- Yep, Roger's a real moral crusader. And he's ready to take the good fight right to the top.

ROGER- (on his cell phone) Hello, may I speak to Eminem? Is this Eminem? This is Roger Colvin calling again. Please tell him that if he doesn't quit with his dirty little songs, God is going to smite him mightily, so he better repent, give all his money to the poor, and go back to making candy!

BRIAN- He's in your face about everything. But as Roger says...

ROGER- Hey, I'm just the messenger. The gospel is OFFENSIVE to the sinful dregs of the world. If I offend you, maybe you need to need to get right or get LEFT BEHIND!

BRIAN- He's right, you know. The gospel is offensive to the sinful heart that wants to serve itself rather than God.

ROGER- And that's why we gotta keep pounding, pounding, pounding it into people's heads until they accept it!

BRIAN- The thing is... the gospel may be offensive, but Jesus was not. He never watered down the truth about sin, but he never spoke with the kind of venom I hear from Roger. Jesus loves us, and it was in love that he spoke the truth. It wouldn't matter what kind of sinner they might be, Jesus was full of compassion. But Roger...

ROGER- We can not be silent!! We are the only Jesus these people will ever see, so let's show 'em what the fire and brimstone is all about!!

BRIAN- I'm just glad I got to know the real Jesus before I met Roger. I don't want anything to do with a Jesus like that.

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