Myspace Is the Devil!
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Bro. Ralphie
Rev. Jimmy Nitpick
Bro. Percy
Beth
Organ music plays. A video screen or an easel is on stage. A few chairs are on stage, several feet behind a podium. Bro. Ralphie enters.
RALPHIE- Welcome brothers and sisters, and thank you for joining us at the First Judgmental Baptist Church of New Bliss. Today the Reverend Jimmy Nitpick is gonna bring us a revelation! A prophecy! A vision he has had about the comin' Apocalypse, and a threat that faces allllll our youngins! Please welcome, the Reverend Jimmy Nitpick!!
Ralphie applauds furiously and takes a seat on stage. Rev. Jimmy enters.
JIMMY- Brothers and sisters, I come with a revelation from the Lord.
RALPHIE- Praise hallelujah!
JIMMY- I was deep in the book of the Revelation when the Lord called out to me.
RALPHIE- Testify, Rev!
JIMMY- He said to me "Jimmy!" For that is my name.
RALPHIE- He knows your name!
JIMMY- He does, Bro. Ralphie. He said, "Jimmy, the Anti-Christ has come."
RALPHIE- Get back, Satan!
JIMMY- That's right. The Anti-Christ is here, and brothers and sisters I am here to put a face on the devil's instrument.
RALPHIE- Unmask him, Rev!
JIMMY- Ladies and gentlemen, behold, the Anti-Christ!
On the easel or the video screen, put up a picture of Tom from Myspace.Com.
RALPHIE- It's the devil, Rev!
JIMMY- It is the devil! And this devil goes by the earthly name of Tom.
RALPHIE- Tom is the devil!
JIMMY- Now many of you adults not in touch with the youth culture may wanna know who is Tom?
RALPHIE- Open our eyes, Rev!
JIMMY- Tom is the founder of that cyber-den of iniquity, that Sodom and Gomorrah.com, that Babylon.org known as... Myspace!
RALPHIE- Oh testify!
JIMMY- Myspace is the devil's playground my friends. And it's got your children.
RALPHIE- God forbid!
JIMMY- It's leading them into sin and temptation and degradation and alienation from the Lord can I get and Amen?
RALPHIE- Amen!
JIMMY- Yes, friends, as surely as we burned our rock and roll albums, we must purge this evil from our homes!
RALPHIE- Preach on!
JIMMY- We must cast the demon seed of Tom from our children!
RALPHIE- Cast it out, Rev!
JIMMY- And we're gonna do it, starting tonight. I'd like to bring forward a brave member of our community. A man of God who has seen his own flesh taken in by the evil one.
RALPHIE- She's possessed!
JIMMY- And we are going to cast this demon from her in the name of Jesus. Please welcome Bro. Percy and his daughter Beth.
Bro. Percy and Beth enter. Percy is a wreck, crying in anguish, while Beth is annoyed at being there.
JIMMY- Bro. Percy, it takes a bold man to admit he has lost his children to the devil.
PERCY- Oh Reverend, we prayed for our little Beth from the day she was born. We prayed she would follow Jesus. But then one day, my wife walked into the computer room and found Beth on that devil's website.
RALPHIE- Say it ain't so!
PERCY- I'm afraid it is so, Bro. Ralphie. The devil is in my daughter, and she has become his concubine thanks to Myspace!
BETH- The devil's concubine? Whatever, Dad.
JIMMY- Be silent, demon!
RALPHIE- Shut her up, Rev!
BETH- I'm not a demon. I'm a girl.
JIMMY- Beth, you have the devil in you. And we're not leaving until you are cleansed of this unholiness.
RALPHIE- Clean it up, Rev!
BETH- What unholiness? I have a blog on the Internet that connects me with friends all around the country.
JIMMY- Did you hear that, flock? She is infecting people all around the country with her sin!
PERCY- Reverend, save my daughter!
JIMMY- I will, Bro. Percy. Beth, we're gonna cast that demon out of you.
RALPHIE- Say again, Rev.
JIMMY- I said we're gonna cast that demon out of you, Beth!
BETH- Pssh! You're gonna have to put a demon in me first, Reverend.
JIMMY- Did you hear that? She wants another demon in her!
RALPHIE- She's the devil's concubine!
PERCY- Lord, spare my daughter! Take me!
BETH- Lord, spare me from my idiot father.
JIMMY- Listen how she breaks the Lord's law, Thou shalt honor thy father and mother!
RALPHIE- Have mercy!
BETH- Dad, did you ever bother to look at my Myspace? To read my blog? Or even my profile?
PERCY- I will not read the writings of the devil's concubine.
BETH- I didn't ask you to read the writings of the devil's bride. But maybe you'd like to read the Bible studies and devotionals that I've posted on Myspace.
RALPHIE- Lord, forgive her--what?
BETH- That's right. I use my blog to share my faith journey with my friends.
JIMMY- Oh little Beth, you have Sunday School for that. You don't need Tom's website.
RALPHIE- Tell her, Rev!
BETH- But on Myspace, I get to share with all my friends, not just the ones from church.
PERCY- But why would you do that?
BETH- Because Jesus told me?
JIMMY- Blasphemy! Jesus did not send you to Myspace!
RALPHIE- Go on, Rev!
BETH- But he did tell us to go into the world and spread the gospel.
RALPHIE- That's a good point too!
BETH- And that's exactly what I'm doing. I share my faith. I answer about God questions when people ask. And I pray for them.
PERCY- And that's all you've been doing on Myspace?
BETH- Well, no. I also keep up with my favorite bands. Relient K has a Myspace. And Switchfoot. And Superchick.
RALPHIE- Rock on, girl!
BETH- The Internet's not evil, and neither is Myspace. There's good and evil out there, and it's all what you do with it. I choose to use the Internet to be a light in the world.
JIMMY- Just a moment, little lady. We know that's not the whole story. Myspace is also a haven for perverts. For sexual predators. And you have put yourself in harm's way.
RALPHIE- Preach on, Rev!
BETH- That's why I never give out any personal information on the site. I don't say where I live, what school I attend, or anything that would give me away. I'm not stupid.
RALPHIE- Good answer, girl!
PERCY- How come we never knew that?
BETH- Probably because you keep the computer in the back room, where you have no clue what websites me or my brothers ever visit.
RALPHIE- Lord have mercy!
BETH- I mean if you really were concerned about where I was surfing, you would move the computer to the living room instead of using it as a babysitter. Lucky thing for you I'm a good girl.
RALPHIE- Lord, she's an angel.
PERCY- Oh honey, I am so proud of you. Not only are you a good girl, you really have learned to share your light with the world. Can you forgive me for not paying attention?
BETH- Sure I can.
JIMMY- W-wait a second! Bro. Percy, stop! Don't hug that concubine of the devil!
PERCY- Oh give it a rest, Reverend. Come on, Beth.
Percy and Beth exit. Organ music starts again.
JIMMY- Well, friends, I guess that's it. But we can't save them all, can we?
RALPHIE- No sir!
JIMMY- We just have to do the best we can.
RALPHIE- That's right!
JIMMY- We have to spread the truth of Jesus!
RALPHIE- That we do!
JIMMY- And when we smell the foul stench of half truths, we call it out!
RALPHIE- I'm smellin' it right now!
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Copyright 2006 by Sunday School Dropouts