Second Revelation

By Jack & Gretchen Hall

CHARACTERS

Narrator

Keith Richards

NARR- It is the end. The final chapter of Revelation has run its course. Earth and sky have been destroyed. The Lord’s people live in the New Heaven and Earth, while the condemned are cast into the Lake of Fire. Meanwhile, on the smoldering remains of the Earth, six lonely figures remain… five cockroaches, and Keith Richards.

Lights up on stage. Keith is lying on his back, head facing upstage. A case of Jack Daniels and a guitar are lying beside him. Keith sits up.

KEITH- Aww, bugger! That was quite an rush wudn’t it? One minute Mick and me and the boys are playing Wembley. The next minute, there’s wars, rumors of wars, plagues, dragons, and the whore of Babylon riding through the sky. And there’s burning sulphur, and fire and brimstone… just like the old days burnin’ down ‘oliday Inns with David Crosby… ‘cept this time when Crosby caught fire, he actually burned up. (stands) Well, the Lord certainly ‘ad ‘is way down ‘ere. Not in my wildest flashbacks did I ever see a mess like that. Wiped the ‘ole lot clean. ‘E even took out Dick Clark with that forth bowl of wrath. I never thought anything would take ‘im out. Looks like all the groceries got burned as well. Good thing I found that case of Jack. That’ll keep me ‘appy for about… oh, three hours. Just a shame I got no one to-- (sees the roaches) Well, blimey! A quintet of cockroaches? Looks like I’m not alone after all. Guess we’re it then, eh, boys? The Lord sends down ‘is wrath, and misses Keith and a few roaches. Guess the old adage is true. Rock and roll will live forever. So I guess we oughta start a new band. You… I think I’ll call you Ed. Can you play bass? And you, Steve, you play rhythm. You… get them rocks gathered together and find some splinters. Then you… You will be called Mick, which means you must learn to strut… No, not like that. On ya back legs, ‘ands behind ya back. Like this. (demonstrates the dance) ‘Ayre ya go, mate. Now you… I guess we need a sound man. You get to be our roadie. Now then. We got a band, we need groupies… Doubt we’re gonna find any of those, so how about after re-‘ersal, you lot get busy and make us some groupies? If I remember right, you all could produce us a million screaming fans in a matter of weeks. Right then. Now how about a quick jam? Ready? Two, three, four—

Keith starts to play the opening riff from "Satisfaction."

KEITH- (sings) I can’t get no… damnation/ I can’t get no, incinceration/ Though I tried, and I tried, and I tried, and I tried/ I can’t get no/ damnation/ I broke every sin in the Lord’s book/ Then he sent a fire, the world to cook/ Now there’s no ’otels or motorcoaches/ and I’m jammin’ with a pack of roaches/ I can’t get no/ No no no no!

Blackout.

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