Uncle Jack Tells the Tale of
the Good Samaritan
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Little Katie
Uncle Jack
Author's Note: This skit contains massive amounts of sarcasm. If you take this
skit seriously, or if you truly believe this is the way Christians should
behave, you are an idiot.
Uncle Jack sits in a rocking chair. Little Katie runs on.
KATIE: Uncle Jack?
JACK: Yes, Little Katie?
KATIE: Would you tell me a story?
JACK: Sure, Katie. What do you want to hear?
KATIE: I want to hear a Bible story.
JACK: Very well, this is the story of the
Good Samaritan. One day a man was walking down the road,
when he--
KATIE: No, Uncle Jack, not an old Bible story. A new one!
JACK: Oh, you want a story for today's church?
KATIE: Yeah!
JACK: Very well. Once upon a time, a Liberal
Democrat Senator was walking down the street when he was mugged by an angry gang
of gun owners. They beat him and left him for dead on the side of the road. A
short time later, a special interest lobbyist saw the liberal lying in the road.
He thought, "This is a chance to get an equal rights amendment passed for
animals!" But then the lobbyist, a strict Darwinian, realized that the Liberal
Democrat had probably been naturally selected to die, so he left her. A short
while later, a Republican Senator happened by. He saw the Liberal Democrat lying
in the ditch and he thought, "This is a chance for me to reach across the aisle
in cooperation." But then he thought, "What if my constituents think I am a
moderate? I can't compromise with him." So he left him. Then an Evangelical
Christian came walking by. He saw Liberal Democrat lying in the ditch and
thought, "Look, that's a Liberal Democrat, the great Satan, the enemy of all
things Christian and family and moral and good." The Evangelical Christian
thought about helping the poor man, as he vaguely remembered reading in the
Bible, a long time ago, that we are to love our enemies. But hey, this is the
21st century. This man wants to let gay people marry and keep prayer out of
schools and kill unborn babies. So the Evangelical grabbed a stick and he
whacked him again and again. The Liberal Democrat screamed, "Oh my gosh the
pain! Oh my gosh the pain!" as the Evangelical beat him to death and sent him
straight to Hell for his misdeeds. The end.
KATIE: That was a great story, Uncle Jack. Thank you.
JACK: You're welcome. Now run off to bed and be sure to say a prayer for the downfall of the Democratic Party.
KATIE: I will. Bye!
Copyright 2008 by Sunday School Dropouts