The Ice Cream Skit
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Kim- A girl at an outdoor ice cream shop
Bob- The ice cream maker
Janet and Julie- Seekers
Raven- A goth kid
Tor- A tough jock
Naomi- A model
Michael- A young businessman
Bud- A lazy guy
An ice cream counter is set up on stage. Bob and Kim are behind it. Janet and Julie enter.
JANET: Here it is! The greatest ice cream place in the world!
JULIE: Ice cream for anyone, huh?
JANET: Literally anyone! No matter who you are or what you do, this place has ice cream for you!
JULIE: So what, chocolate, vanilla, butter pecan…
JANET: Oh better than that. Just watch!
Raven enters, walks to the counter.
KIM: Hi, what can I get you?
RAVEN: A Gothic Delight, please.
KIM: Two scoops of despair, a scoop of conformity. You want that haunted?
RAVEN: Extra haunting.
KIM: Extra haunted, Bob.
Bob hands the ice cream to Raven. Raven begins to eat and exits.
KIM: Thank you, come again.
JULIE: You’re putting me on.
JANET: I told you, this place is amazing!
Tor enters.
JULIE: What else do they have?
TOR: Hey! Make it a Barry Bonds Special, please.
KIM: Extra large scoop of electrolyte ripple, with a dusting of whey protein and steroid sprinkles.
Bob hands the ice cream to Tor.
TOR: Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about.
Tor exits.
JULIE: Wow, that’s impressive.
JANET: It’s revolutionary. There’s nothing like it in the world.
Naomi enters.
KIM: Hey, Naomi, the usual?
NAOMI: Yep, Supermodel Sundae.
KIM: Got that Bob? A spoonful of non-fat with a cherry – hold the cherry.
Bob hands Naomi a spoonful of ice cream. She takes it an exits. Michael and Bud enter, get in line.
JULIE: I don’t know, though. Will they have something for me?
JANET: One way to find out, right? Let’s get in line.
KIM: Can I help you?
MICHAEL: Make it a Malted Money Maker Sundae, Please.
KIM: Two scoops of greed, with a scoop of ambition.
Bob hands Michael his ice cream.
MICHAEL: Mmm, delish!
KIM: Can I help you?
BUD: I’d like my Entitlement Parfait, please.
KIM: You got it.
Kim takes Michael’s ice cream and gives it to Bud, who runs away.
MICHAEL: Hey!
Michael runs after Bud.
KIM: Can I help you?
JANET: Yes please. I’d like an Agnostic Flurry, please.
KIM: Agnostic Flurry, one scoop of doubt, a scoop of uncertainty, and a swirl of stubborn defiance.
Bob hands Janet her Flurry.
JANET: What do you think of that?
JULIE: I don’t know, Janet. Looks like the same old, same old to me.
JANET: You want to try something else?
JULIE: Well, I was thinking about a… Righteous Religious Ripple.
JANET: A Righteous Religious Ripple? Oh, you don’t want one of those.
JULIE: Why not?
JANET: I’ve seen people order those. It’s not pretty. Two scoops of moral law, covered in judgment and prejudice with dusting of self-righteousness. Frankly, it looks like a recipe for a stomach ache.
JULIE: Sounds like it.
JANET: Stick with the Agnostic. It’s much easier, and frankly, people will like you better.
JULIE: Maybe so. But I want to check and see if there’s anything else I might try.
JANET: Go for it. I’ll be in the car.
Janet exits.
KIM: Can I help you?
JULIE: I sure hope so. I’ve been leaning towards the Agnostic Flurry like my friend, but… I was just hoping there might be a better option. Any suggestions?
KIM: I know just the thing. Bob? I need a scoop of grace, a scoop of love, and a scoop of the Spirit, all covered in the blood of the lamb.
JULIE: Blood? On ice cream? I don’t know…
Bob hands the ice cream over.
KIM: Try it. Taste and see how good it is.
Julie takes a bite.
JULIE: Wow. This is so good.
KIM: I thought you might appreciate it.
JULIE: But shouldn’t this have judgment? Or moral correctness? Or self-righteousness?
KIM: Some people think so, but frankly, I find it hard to swallow.
JULIE: I’m with you there.
KIM: Come back again. There’s plenty more where that came from.
JULIE: I will. By the way, what do you call this?
KIM: Would you believe… a Sundae Christian?
Musical "wa-wa" sound as lights go out.
Copyright 2006 by Sunday School Dropouts