Home School Boy: The Adventure Begins

by Jack Hall

CHARACTERS

Announcer

Matt- Home school boy

Juli- Matt’s new public school acquaintance

Slow, dramatic super hero music plays.

ANNOUNCER- It was a warm spring day when over-protective Mrs. Baker left the front door of the house open. Turning her back for five minutes, she let her guard down, and her young son Matthew Isaiah Baker escaped into the wild. Now, on his own, experiencing the real world for the first time, these are the adventures of HOME SCHOOL BOY!!!

Lights up on stage. The setting is a side walk. Juli enters, dressed like a typical student, carrying a back pack. Matt enters, wearing a collared shirt tucked into slacks. They come face to face and stop.

MATT- Hello!

JULI- Um, hi.

MATT- What are you doing?

JULI- I'm walking home from school.

MATT- Wow, that's amazing! I'm walking from home school!

JULI- Excuse me?

MATT- Why? Did you belch?

JULI- No, I mean, what was that about home school? Are you one of those kids who stays home while your mom teaches you?

MATT- I sure am! Are you home schooled too?

JULI- No way! I go to public school!

Matt shrieks.

MATT- Oh no!

Matt covers his mouth.

JULI- What are you doing?

MATT- Protecting myself!

JULI- From what?

MATT- Momma says public schools are full of disease such as crystal meth and rock and roll!

JULI- Dude, relax. I'm not on crystal meth.

MATT- Are you on rock and roll?

JULI- You can't be on rock and roll, you listen to it.

MATT- No I don't! I listen to Adventures in Odyssey.

JULI- Never heard of that.

MATT- You haven't? Boy, are you missing out!

JULI- Sure sounds like one of us is.

MATT- So where do you go to church?

JULI- Church? Well, I'm probably going to regret this, but... I don't go to church.

MATT- You what? Oh wow! I can't believe it! A real live atheist!

JULI- Oh boy.

MATT- I never met an atheist before.

JULI- Is that a problem?

MATT- Not for me. But you're going to Hell!

JULI- I what???

MATT- Well, unless you come to know the Lord. Would you like to know the Lord? I can lead you to him. I took a class on leading people to the Lord!

JULI- Sorry, pal, but I'm not going anywhere with someone who tells me I am going to Hell.

MATT- Oh please don't take it personal. I don't want you to go to Hell. I'm just trying to be a... oh, what's the word? It's an f-word.

JULI- I can think of a few right now.

MATT- Friend!

JULI- A friend?

MATT- Do you know what a friend is?

JULI- Sure. I have plenty of friends.

MATT- You do??

JULI- Yeah.

MATT- How many? Two? Three?

JULI- Way more than that. Though probably ten or so that I'd call true friends.

MATT- (whistles) That's amazing.

JULI- I'm almost afraid to ask, but do you have any friends?

MATT- Friends? Sure, I have friends. Plenty of 'em!

JULI- Like who?

MATT- Well, there's my Mom. And Dad. And Grandma Baker. And Uncle Bruce. Man, he's a nut.

JULI- Anyone your age?

MATT- Sure! Well... close to it. My sister's three years older.

JULI- Wow. You really have no clue what a friend is.

MATT- I do so! I know all about David and Jonathan. They were the best of friends!

JULI- David Branch and Jonathan Wong? They hate each other!

MATT- I don't know those guys. I was talking about David the shepherd and Jonathan the son of King Saul.

JULI- Okay, you lost me again.

MATT- Don't you read the Bible?

JULI- No.

MATT- Wow. You really are headed for Hell.

JULI- Do you know that's the second time you've told me that?

MATT- Well it's the truth.

JULI- It's not the smartest thing to say to someone who might become a friend.

MATT- A friend? You mean, you want to be friends with me?

JULI- I can't believe I am saying this... but yeah.

MATT- Well, okay. But we can only be friends. Not boyfriend and girlfriend, because I don't believe in dating! I believe in courtship.

JULI- (laughs) Believe me, you don't need to worry about all that with me.

MATT- And another thing. Don't you dare try to use your peer pressure to make me drink beer or smoke dope or watch porn, or I'll go right to the police!

JULI- Boy, you have a lot to learn about friends.

MATT- I'm serious! Only a dope would smoke dope!

JULI- And only a dope would try to force a friend do any of those things.

MATT- Really?

JULI- Really.

MATT- Even a worldly friend?

JULI- Not a real one.

MATT- Well... That is interesting. I guess I can learn a few things from you, even if you are a girl.

JULI- (winces at the girl comment) Oh yeah, we have a LOT of work to do here. But if you'll let me teach you how to be a friend in the real world, I'll let you teach me about the Bible.

MATT- You will??

JULI- Sure. I don't want to go to Hell. Might as well explore my options.

MATT- Will you let me lead you to the Lord?

JULI- One step at a time, pal.

MATT- Pal. No one's ever called me that.

JULI- That brings up a good question. What's your name, home school boy?

MATT- Matthew. But you can call me Matt.

JULI- I'm Juli.

MATT- It's nice to meet you, Juli.

JULI- Matt, what do you say we go to my house for an after school snack? I have Lucky Charms!

MATT- Lucky Charms??? Is that some crazy, occult thing?

JULI- It's a cereal. Don't you know what cereal is?

MATT- Sure, I love cereal. I eat it all the time. Shredded Wheat. Puffed Rice.

JULI- Puffed Rice?

MATT- Yeah.

JULI- Oh boy. Let the lessons in real life begin!

Matt and Juli exit.

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