Twin Fawns
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Gloria- A young maiden in love
Hazel- Gloria’s friend
Gloria and Hazel enter in Biblical costumes.
HAZEL: Okay, tell me everything, and I mean everything. How was your date with Solomon?
GLORIA: Oh, it was magical, Hazel. He’s just the most handsome and charming man I’ve ever met. He took me out in his chariot to his vineyard for dinner.
HAZEL: Wow.
GLORIA: He had his minstrels serenade me for hours.
HAZEL: Amazing.
GLORIA: And then we went for a moonlight stroll through the gardens.
HAZEL: I’m gonna die.
GLORIA: It was a perfect night, Hazel… Well, almost perfect.
HAZEL: Why? What happened?
GLORIA: It’s not a huge deal, Hazel. I don’t think.
HAZEL: Come on, out with it. No one like a friend to tell you if it’s a big deal or not.
GLORIA: Well, he wrote me a poem.
HAZEL: He did??
GLORIA: But Hazel, it’s not very good.
HAZEL: What’s wrong with it?
GLORIA: Well, it’s kind of… I don’t know.
HAZEL: You brought it with you, right?
GLORIA: Sure.
HAZEL: Then let’s hear it.
Gloria pulls out the poem.
GLORIA: Ready?
HAZEL: Am I ever.
GLORIA: How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!
HAZEL: I love it.
GLORIA: Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead .
HAZEL: Oh my gosh he’s an angel!
GLORIA: Hazel, you don’t find it a bit odd he says my hair is like goats?
HAZEL: Honey, it’s King Solomon. He could say your hair is like a nappy mop, it would sound romantic.
GLORIA: Then what about this? Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
HAZEL: Could you die??
GLORIA: Die? He said my teeth are like sheep. Sheep are fuzzy.
HAZEL: Have you seen your teeth? This is something-something BC, we don’t have toothpaste. Read on.
GLORIA: Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely.
HAZEL: Oh wow.
GLORIA: Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate.
HAZEL: Yeah, that’s the stuff.
GLORIA: Your neck is like the tower of David , built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.
HAZEL: Oh my goodness, I’m going to faint.
GLORIA: Faint? He called my neck a tower.
HAZEL: He’s a king. Kings are military men. They attack towers. Let him attack!
The two fawns enter.
GLORIA: Well how about this? Your two breasts are like two fawns.
HAZEL: Holy crap.
GLORIA: Like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies.
HAZEL: Gloria, this guy is so into you.
GLORIA: Come on, Hazel, twin fawns of a gazelle?
HAZEL: Come on, Gloria. Fawns are cute and cuddly. It’s a beautiful metaphor.
FAWN: Sure. For her it’s a beautiful metaphor. Meanwhile, everybody looks at us like a couple of boobs.
The fawns exit. Blackout.
Copyright 2008 by Sunday School Dropouts