The DaVinci Code for Kidz!
By Jack & Gretchen Hall
CHARACTERS
Mom- A mother
Sara- Her daughter, age ten
Merv- Another parent
Betty- Merv’s wife
DIRECTOR’S NOTE: A copy of that heinous book The DaVinci Code is needed to perform this skit. There are two ways you can pull this off. One, make a fake book cover for the book, and wrap it around another, less blasphemous book. Or two, just ask around your church. Like it or not, SOMEONE somewhere in the congregation has a copy.
At stage left, a rope is set up, denoting the line to see Santa. A sign with an arrow points off to SANTA. Mom and Sara walk up to the ropes and the front of the line.
MOM- Check it out, Sara. No one else is in line, so no waiting this year to see Santa. You ready?
SARA- No, Mom, I don’t think so.
MOM- What?
SARA- I’m not going to go talk to that MAN up there.
MOM- Why not?
SARA- Do you really have to ask?
MOM- Well, I guess I’m just a little confused as to why you suddenly are afraid of Santa.
SARA- It’s not fear, Mom. It’s the secret.
MOM- What secret?
SARA- Oh don’t play dumb, Mom. We both know what I’m talking about.
MOM- No, Sara, I’m afraid you better clue me in.
SARA- The truth about Santa. The truth you’ve hidden from me my whole life. The truth I found in THIS book!
Sara pulls out a book called The DaVinci Code for Kidz.
MOM- Oh my gosh! Where did you get that?
SARA- Doesn’t matter where I got it. I read it, and I know the truth. The truth that’s hidden in DaVinci’s notebooks. The truth hidden in his painting.
MOM- Sara, do you mean to tell me you—
SARA- Yes, Mom. I know the truth. The truth that Santa Claus is not a man! He’s a woman!
MOM- You’re joking.
SARA- Oh but I’m not! It’s all in here, Mom. Santa is a woman, and he painted her portrait. Though we know it as the Mona Lisa.
MOM- Oh boy.
SARA- I also know that SHE flies around in a flying machine designed by DaVinci, not a reindeer-driven sleigh.
MOM- I don’t believe this.
SARA- And that painting of The Last Supper? That’s not the Apostle John leaning over to Jesus. That’s Santa Claus, giving directions to Jesus as to how to get to the Garden of Gethsemane because, man that he is, he wouldn’t have stopped to ask directions himself!
MOM- I just can’t believe you would buy into those lies.
SARA- Lies? Mom, it makes so much sense. It’s our patriarchal society that made Santa Claus into a man.
MOM- Patriarchal? Where did you even hear that word? You’re ten!
SARA- After all, what man would really listen as long as Santa does to kids asking for toys? A man would never remember them all. Plus, how’s he going to deliver all those toys to kids? Like I said, men never ask directions. It would take him at least eight nights!
MOM- Sara?
SARA- It’s not Hanukkah, Mom, it’s Christmas!
MOM- And it’s all a lie.
SARA- No it’s not!
MOM- It is, and I’ll prove it. It’s right on the back of that book. (turns the book over) There, top left corner.
SARA- What, "$17.95"?
MOM- No, Sara. The word below it.
SARA- "Fiction"?
MOM- That’s right. Fiction. That means it’s all made up.
SARA- It’s not, Mom! He uses real people, real historic figures and real historic places. It’s all based on fact.
MOM- Honey, Indiana Jones was set in real historic locations with real historic people. That doesn’t make it real.
SARA- You mean… Indiana Jones isn’t real either?
MOM- You didn’t know that?
SARA- Mom… I don’t know what to believe any more. You tell me this book isn’t true. Indiana Jones isn’t real. What can I believe?
MOM- Sara, do you remember watching the sunrise this morning?
SARA- Yes.
MOM- Do you think the sun will rise tomorrow?
SARA- Of course.
MOM- Why?
SARA- Because it always does!
MOM- Do you believe your Dad is going to be home after work tonight?
SARA- Yes.
MOM- Why do you believe that?
SARA- Because he always does. Unless he’s out of town. Then HE brings me presents!
MOM- Sara, do you believe God is real?
SARA- Of course I do!
MOM- Why?
SARA- Because he’s always there. He loves me. He hears my prayers.
MOM- But you can’t see God. Are you sure he’s there?
SARA- Of course I am! It’s called… Oh, I see what you’re saying. It’s all about faith.
MOM- That’s right, Sara. We know these things because we have faith. That faith grows as we experience the things we believe, whether that’s the sunrise or Jesus.
SARA- Every year I talk to a man named Santa and tell him what I want. And I always get it, even though I never see him. Just like God answering prayers!
MOM- And the more we experience, the more we can trust it to be true, no matter what some silly books says.
SARA- I get it now, Mom. This was a fun book, but if you’ll excuse me, I’m ready to go talk to MR. Santa!
MOM- That’s the spirit!
Mom and Sara freeze. Stage right, lights come up. Merv is sitting in a recliner reading. As the lights come up, Betty enters talking.
BETTY- I still can’t believe, can’t believe what I saw in church today!
MERV- Hmm, what’s that?
BETTY- That stupid skit! I can’t believe they would do a skit promoting the LIE that Santa Claus is real. I mean, what were they thinking? It’s going to affect our kids, you know.
MERV- Relax, Betty. I wouldn’t worry about it.
BETTY- Relax? Why should I relax?
MERV- It’s only fiction. (lifts his book to read so the audience can see he’s reading The DaVinci Code) And anyone who knows the truth won’t be swayed.
Copyright 2006 by Sunday School Dropouts