THE CRAP SKIT

By Jack & Gretchen Hall

CHARACTERS

Eddie

Jenna

The setting is a park. Jenna is sitting on a blanket, reading the Bible. Eddie jogs by.

EDDIE- Holy crap! Jenna?

JENNA- Oh my goodness! Eddie Crapper?

EDDIE- How the crap are ya?

JENNA- I'm fine. What the crap are you doing?

EDDIE- What the crap does it look like?

JENNA- Holy crap, you're jogging?

EDDIE- Yeah, can you believe that crap?

JENNA- You picked a crappy day for it.

EDDIE- Well, I was supposed to be fishing all day, but my friends crapped out on me.

JENNA- How was fishing?

EDDIE- Crappy.

JENNA- What the crap happened?

EDDIE- Crap happened. We only caught one fish.

JENNA- What the crap was it?

EDDIE- A crappy.

JENNA- A crappy? What do they taste like?

EDDIE- Pretty much like crap.

JENNA- Sounds pretty crappy.

EDDIE- So what the crap are you doing?

JENNA- Unwinding after a crappy day.

EDDIE- In this crappy weather?

JENNA- It was either crappy weather or my apartment.

EDDIE- Why the crap didn't you stay at the apartment.

JENNA- It's a mess! It looks like crap.

EDDIE- So what the crap are you reading?

JENNA- What the crap does it look like?

EDDIE- Holy Crap!

JENNA- Holy Bible, not holy crap!

EDDIE- You actually believe that crap?

JENNA- Yes, although I don't think it's crap.

EDDIE- What the crap is it all about?

JENNA- Well, in the beginning, God created the world, then man made it all go to crap.

EDDIE- How the crap did he do that?

JENNA- This crap called sin.

EDDIE- What the crap is sin?

JENNA- It's all the bad crap we do.

EDDIE- What kinda crap?

JENNA- Lying, stealing, adultery, you know, all that crap.

EDDIE- That's a lot of crap.

JENNA- That crap separated us from God, so God sent his son Jesus.

EDDIE- No crappin' way!

JENNA- And instead of making us pay for all the crap we did, Jesus died to take that crap away.

EDDIE- Sounds like a load of crap to me.

JENNA- Yeah, a lot of people think it's crap.

EDDIE- What the crap do you think?

JENNA- Me? I think they're full of crap.

EDDIE- I guess it's kind of hard to tell what's true and and what's crap.

JENNA- Maybe. All I know is no matter how crappy my life seems, God is always there.

EDDIE- Do you think God could help me with my crap?

JENNA- I know he could help you with your crap!

EDDIE- I dunno, I have a lot of crap. And some of that crap's pretty big.

JENNA- Believe me, Eddie, there is no crap too big for God to take.

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