Hey Communion Guy!

By Jack Hall

CHARACTERS

Bryan- A member of a very progressive seeker church

Joey- Bryan's friend

Clark- A church goer

Other church goers

A Beer Guy

A Communion Guy

A Tithe Guy

Two rows of seats are on stage - stadium style, if possible. Some church goers are seated, with Clark in the second row. Bryan and Joey enter and sit in the front row.

JOEY- Wow, look at this place. It's huge!

BRYAN- I told you.

JOEY- I just can't believe how big churches are getting. Isn't it amazing?

BRYAN- Yeah it is.

JOEY- It's so cool how people are really turning back to the Lord.

BRYAN- It's definitely cool. But it sure helps that we Christians have finally learned how to reach out to the lost. I mean look at this room. It doesn't feel like a church, does it?

JOEY- Not at all. Kinda like being in a sports stadium.

BRYAN- That's because people would rather be at a sporting event than church. We're just giving them what they want.

JOEY- I'm with you. You know back home, my church has done some cool things. They opened a latte bar this past spring. People really seem to like that.

BRYAN- A latte bar?

JOEY- Yeah!

BRYAN- Oh, Joey, you all are still so far behind the times. We've really taken the comfort factor to a new level.

JOEY- How so?

The Beer Guy.

BEER GUY- COLD BEER!! HEY BEER GUY!! GET YOUR COLD BEER!!

CLARK- Yo! Beer Guy!

The Beer Guy walks to Clark to do business.

JOEY- Bryan, am I dreaming? Did that guy say beer?

BRYAN- He sure did! Ice cold beer.

JOEY- He means root beer, right?

BRYAN- Nope. Coors, Coors Light, Bud and Bud Light, and Heineken.

JOEY- In church????

BRYAN- Pretty cool, huh?

JOEY- I guess so. It's just that, beer in church? I never thought I'd see that.

BRYAN- Neither do the seekers who come here. That's why they keep coming back.

BEER GUY- COLD BEER!!!

BRYAN- Yo, Beer Guy! Two Coors Lights, please.

The Beer Guy walks to Bryan.

JOEY- Make it one. I don't really feel like a beer.

BRYAN- Suit yourself.

BEER GUY- (hands Bryan a beer) Four bucks, please.

BRYAN- (pays the Beer Guy) Thanks, pal. Give the change to the missions fund.

BEER GUY- God bless ya, sir. COLD BEER!! HEY BEER GUY!! GET YOUR COLD BEER!!

The Beer Guy exits.

JOEY- Wow, beer in church. So this is where seeker friendly is leading us.

BRYAN- Joey, we've gone beyond seeker friendly. The changes we made are friendly for everyone. And it's not just the beer. It's in the service.

JOEY- Like what?

The Communion Guy enters.

COMMUNION GUY- COMMUNION!! HEY COMMUNION GUY!! GET YOUR BODY AND BLOOD OF CHRIST!!

The church goers wave down the Communion Guy. He starts serving communion in the second row.

JOEY- Whoa! You guys deliver communion like beer?

BRYAN- Isn't it cool?

JOEY- Cool? Bryan... that's a sacrament given to us by Jesus!

BRYAN- So?

JOEY- SO?!? Don't you find that a bit irreverant?

BRYAN- Does it really matter? I mean who really thinks about what they're doing when they take the Lord's Supper?

The Communion Guy serves the front row, including Bryan and Joey.

JOEY- You have a point.

COMMUNION GUY- Here you are, guys. The body, the blood, you know the drill.

BRYAN- Thanks, Communion Guy.

COMMUNION GUY- No problem. COMMUNION! HEY COMMUNION GUY!!

The Communion Guy exits.

BRYAN- Well... here's to your spiritual health.

JOEY- Bryan, I don't know about this. I know you're trying to reach out to people and make them feel welcome. But this still has to be... you know, church!

BRYAN- It is church, Joey. Yes we sell beer and peanuts, and lemonade and nachos, and pennants and hats, but deep down, some things never change.

The Tithe Guy enters.

TITHE GUY- TITHES AND OFFERINGS!! HEY TITHE GUY!! GIVE YOUR TEN PERCENT HERE!!

Everyone avoids eye contact with the Tithe Guy.

TITHE GUY- Anyone? Someone? No?

The Tithe Guy sighs, and moves on.

JOEY- I guess you're right. Some things never change.

Blackout.

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