Chat Buddies

By Jack Hall

CHARACTERS

Michelle- A gorgeous young woman

Ed and Laura- A married couple

Dan and Helen- Another married couple

Two church pews are on stage, one in front of the other. Dan and Helen sit in the back pew. Ed and Laura enter and sit in the front. Michelle enters, sits in the front pew beside Ed. She looks at Ed, does a double take.

MICHELLE: Excuse me, you look familiar. Have we met?

ED: I’m not sure.

MICHELLE: You just look so familiar to me. I wish I could place it. What’s your name?

ED: Ed.

MICHELLE: I’m Michelle. Have you been in my work?

ED: I don’t know. Where do you work?

MICHELLE: Tony’s Pizza.

ED: Nope, not lately.

MICHELLE: Maybe I’ve been to your work.

ED: I don’t think so. I’m an architect.

MICHELLE: Hmm. It’s so strange. I know I know you from some place.

LAURA: Friend of yours, Ed?

ED: I don’t think so, dear. I guess I have one of those faces.

MICHELLE: I’ve got it!! Face Chat!

ED: (a chill down his spine) What?

MICHELLE: Face Chat! We’ve chatted on our webcams.

ED: No, I, I, I don’t think that’s possible, Miss.

MICHELLE: It had to be you. Your screen name was Sexy Ed. Remember? And I said it was so cute.

Behind Ed and Michelle, Dan starts to overhear the conversation. He listens with gossip-loving glee. Helen sees Michelle and tries to hide in a bulletin.

LAURA: I’m sorry, where did you say you chatted with my husband?

ED: It’s nothing, dear!

MICHELLE: FaceChat.com, the place on line for people who want to meet people who want to… haha, you know.

LAURA: No, do tell.

MICHELLE: Well, first we connect through a private room, then we turn on the webcams—

ED: No we don’t!

LAURA: Ed, is this true?

ED: Of course not!

MICHELLE: He didn’t tell me he was married, of course. I wouldn’t have cared. He was very creative.

LAURA: Could have fooled me!

ED: It’s nonsense, dear! I’ve never done anything like that! Ever!

LAURA: Never?

ED: Never ever.

LAURA: I know you, Ed. Your vein pops out of your neck when you lie, and it’s popping right now.

ED: Look, maybe I got on one of those sites a time or two. But that was a long time ago.

LAURA: How long?

MICHELLE: Two weeks.

ED: Years! Two years!

LAURA: Two years?

ED: Yes!

LAURA: We’ve been married for four.

ED: Oh crud.

MICHELLE: It’s no big deal, ma’am. I never would dream of taking him away from you. But guys like Ed sometimes have special needs, and once they work those out, they can come back to you like nothing ever happened.

LAURA: Or they can just never come back to me at all!

Laura gets up and leaves.

MICHELLE: Oops. I think we made her mad, Ed.

ED: WE made her mad??

MICHELLE: Hey, I didn’t make you get on FaceChat. I just let you pick me up.

ED: And boy do I regret it, you little… Laura, wait! Come back! I can explain!

Ed follows Laura. Dan leans up.

DAN: You really chatted with Ed online a few weeks ago?

MICHELLE: Eh, who knows? He’s cute enough, I would have.

DAN: So you just made all that up?

MICHELLE: Yeah.

DAN: How did you know that he…

MICHELLE: You’d be amazed who all is on those websites.

DAN: I can only imagine.

MICHELLE: Crazy stuff. Isn’t that right, Hottie Helen?

Dan does a double take with his wife.

DAN: Helen?!?

Blackout.

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