Christian Business Man
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Ken-
A new Christian
Jim-
A pastor
A
film announcer
Dave-
A Christian business man
Mildred-
An old lady
Ken
enters a Pastor's office.
KEN:
Hello, Pastor.
JIM:
Well, hello there, Ken. How is your new life as a Christian?
KEN:
Just fine, Pastor. But I have some questions, and I hope you can help me out.
JIM:
Well, that's what I'm here for.
KEN:
Well, as you know, I run a little business here in town, and sometimes my
business practices have been, well, they've been a little shady.
JIM:
Say no more. You want to know how you can go from being just a business man to
a Christian Business Man!
KEN:
Yes, exactly.
JIM:
You've come to the right place. Let me show you a little educational film from
the Christian Business Men's Association of America. I think it will make
everything clear.
Jim
clicks a button on a remote control. Switch to video, or bring lights up on
another part of the stage. Educational film type music plays. The acting here
should be extra cheesy, over the top.
ANNOUNCER:
The Christian Business Men's Association of America presents... How to be a
Christian Business Man!
Dave
enters, smiling.
ANNOUNCER:
Well, you did it. After months of soul searching and attending that little
corner church, you've finally become a Christian. No more life of sin for you.
You're a new creation. The old has gone. The new has come! But now, a question
you never bothered to ask has come up.
DAVE:
Say, how can I be a Christian and still be a business man?
ANNOUNCER:
A very good question, Dave. Many men think that their new-found Christian faith
is incompatible with their old career. Especially those who like to indulge in
some (chuckles) creative
accounting.
DAVE:
Boy, do I!
ANNOUNCER:
But not to worry. With a few minor adjustments, we'll turn your wicked worldly
business into the kind of business you'd be proud to advertise in the church
bulletin.
DAVE:
Okay!
ANNOUNCER:
First, we need to change that company logo. You do have a logo, right?
DAVE:
Sure, it's on my business card. I've got a smiling face giving my customers a
knowing wink.
ANNOUNCER:
That wink will have to go. Instead, let's replace it with a Jesus fish.
DAVE:
Golly, a Jesus fish!
ANNOUNCER:
Yes, Dave, the Jesus fish will show everyone that you're a true Christian
Business Man.
DAVE:
Now what?
ANNOUNCER:
You can also throw a little Bible verse on the bottom of the card. John 3:16 is
always appropriate.
DAVE:
Sounds good to me.
ANNOUNCER:
Now, it's time to get down to work.
DAVE:
Hot dog.
ANNOUNCER:
And here's your first customer.
Mildred
enters.
MILDRED:
Hello, Christian Business Man.
DAVE:
Hello, Madam Customer. How can I help you?
MILDRED:
My TV seems to be broken. Can you fix it?
DAVE:
Sure thing, ma'am.
MILDRED: Hallelujah,I
knew you would. I saw the fish on your card, I felt it was God's will for you
to fix this TV.
DAVE:
Amen. Now let's have a look.
ANNOUNCER:
Hold it right there, Dave. You can't just dive in and look at that TV.
DAVE:
I can't?
ANNOUNCER:
No, no. You have to pray with your customer.
DAVE:
Golly, I can't believe I forgot. (to Mildred) Shall we pray? (praying) Dear God, thank you for this
customer, and help me to fix her TV. Amen.
MILDRED:
Amen.
DAVE:
Have a seat in the lobby, and I'll be right with you.
Mildred
exits. Dave looks at the TV.
ANNOUNCER:
How's it look in there?
DAVE:
Why, this TV's not broken. The vacuum tube came disconnected. Easy as pie.
ANNOUNCER:
Is that how you did things before you were a Christian?
DAVE:
Well, back before I was a Christian, I would have charged her for a new set of
tubes. And I might have messed a few other things around too.
ANNOUNCER:
So what's stopping you?
DAVE:
I can't do that. I'm a Christian.
ANNOUNCER:
A Christian Business Man, Dave.
DAVE:
You mean I can cheat her like I did my old customers?
ANNOUNCER:
Can you ever!
DAVE:
But I just prayed with her.
ANNOUNCER:
Exactly. And now that you've done that, she'll believe anything you tell her
about that TV.
DAVE:
Is that so? (calls off) Excuse me, ma'am?
Mildred
enters.
DAVE:
I'm afraid your TV is shot. I can get you a brand new one for three hundred
bucks.
MILDRED:
Oh dear! That's so much money.
DAVE:
I know, I know. But if you want to watch Milton Berle...
MILDRED:
I guess I have no choice. I'll go get your money.
Mildred
exits.
ANNOUNCER:
There. How does that feel?
DAVE:
Terrible. I shouldn't take advantage of her like that?
ANNOUNCER:
Why not? You're in business, and there's nothing that says business has to
suffer just because you're filled with the Holy Spirit.
DAVE:
Really?
ANNOUNCER:
Besides, if you feel really guilty, just ask the lady to forgive you.
DAVE:
Really? You think she'll do that?
ANNOUNCER:
Dave, the Bible commands us to forgive each other. She has no choice!
Mildred
enters with an envelope full of money.
MILDRED:
Here you are, young man.
DAVE:
Thank you... and please forgive me.
MILDRED:
For what, dear?
DAVE:
For, uh, for not being able to fix the TV.
MILDRED:
Don't be silly. You're a Christian Business Man. I trust you completely.
DAVE:
Hot dog!
ANNOUNCER:
Way to go, Dave. You're gonna be a successful Christian Business Man in no
time. Just remember the three golden rules: use a Jesus fish, pray with them
before you rip them off, then ask them to forgive you. A message from the
Christian Business Men's Association of America.
Music
swells, then blackout. Lights back up on Jim and Ken.
KEN:
Wow, that's great advice. Thanks, Pastor.
JIM:
Not at all. Now if you'll sign here, please.
KEN:
What's this?
JIM:
A bill.
KEN:
A bill for what?
JIM:
Career Counseling Services. It's my other line of work, you know.
KEN:
You didn't tell me you were charging for this!
JIM:
Oh, did I forget to mention that? I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
KEN: Do I
have a choice?
Copyright 2009 by Sunday
School Dropouts