Barack and a Hard Place
By Jack Hall
CHARACTERS
Jan, Stu,
and Rachel - Obama supporters
Peter -
The Apostle
An
Announcer
Clark - A
Republican
Jan,
Stu, and Rachel enter, wearing Obama shirts and singing to the tune of Mandy:
JAN/STU/RACHEL:
Obama, oh you came and brought change we were needing, and you sent Bush away,
Obama, now we're saved from McCain and his lady, and we need you today, Obama.
Stu
looks around.
STU:
Hey, guys, this doesn't look like the victory party.
RACHEL:
Are we in the wrong place?
JAN:
We followed the directions, didn't we?
STU:
Right on Fifth, left on Elm, right on Skyline Drive, and be careful of that
turn where the guard rail is out.
Pause.
JAN:
I don't remember the guard rail.
RACHEL:
Me neither.
STU:
You know, I don't either?
JAN:
I drive these roads so much, I don't remember how I get from place to
place half the time.
RACHEL:
That doesn't answer the question as to where we are.
STU:
Who cares? We're in Obama's America.
JAN:
Obama be praised!
JAN/STU/RACHEL:
Obama, oh you came and brought change we were needing, and you sent Bush away,
Obama!
RACHEL:
It's a new world out there.
STU:
We've been redeemed.
JAN:
No longer will the greedy corporate tyrants horde their wealth! We're
going to spread it around!
RACHEL:
No longer will other nations hate us and want to kill us! Obama will save us
from the wrath of the world!
STU:
No longer will global warming threaten our planet. Obama will make
the ice caps stop melting and heal the ozone layer with one word from his
lips!
JAN: He
is the chosen one.
RACHEL:
Obama be praised!
Peter
enters.
PETER:
Welcome, children. If you'll step over here, please?
RACHEL:
See? I told you this was the party.
STU:
Hi. We're here for the Obama rally?
PETER:
I'm sorry, I guess you all didn't see the signs. This isn't the Obama rally.
This is Heaven.
JAN:
You're telling us.
PETER:
Name, please?
JAN:
Jan McDonald.
PETER:
McDonald... sorry, I don't see your name on the list.
JAN:
What??
PETER:
Your name, sir?
STU:
Stu. Stu Weezer.
PETER:
Stu Weezer... no, sorry. Not on the list. Ma'am?
RACHEL:
Rachel Baxter, why?
PETER:
Rachel Baxter... ah, there you are. Come on in, please.
RACHEL:
Can they come too? They came with me.
PETER:
I'm afraid that's not possible.
STU:
Look, buddy, don't be a party pooper. We're all here to celebrate Obama being
elected president.
PETER:
Kings and queens and presidents have no dominion here. Here, only the Lord
reigns.
JAN:
Wait a minute! Isn't this the convention center? This is the Obama rally,
right?
PETER:
I told you before, this is Heaven.
STU:
You mean, the real Heaven?
PETER:
Yes.
JAN:
I guess we missed that guard rail after all.
STU:
Well... well why won't you let us in?
RACHEL:
Yes, please! They were good people.
PETER:
I’m sorry. They’re not on the list.
STU:
So how come she’s on the list and not us?
PETER:
Because she knows the Messiah.
JAN:
But... but we all know the Messiah! And we voted for him.
STU:
Yes! We all did!
JAN/STU/RACHEL:
Obama, oh you came and brought change we were needing, and you sent Bush away,
Obama.
PETER:
I’m sorry.
STU:
You, uh, you're not going to let us in, are you?
The
Announcer walks out on stage. Jan and Stu exit the way they came. Rachel exits
the other way. Clark enters in a "Palin Power" T-shirt and mimes a conversation
with Peter.
ANNOUNCER:
This message has been brought to you by Sunday School Dropouts. When it comes
to election day, vote for the candidate of your choice. But remember, no matter
who wins, no matter what they may promise, there is only one who can save you
from the eternal consequences of sin... and believe me, he's not a Democrat
The
Announcer starts to leave, but hearing Clark speak, stops and turns back to the
audience.
CLARK:
But you have to let me in! I'm a card carrying Republican!
ANNOUNCER:
Oh yeah. He’s not a Republican either.
Copyright 2008 by Sunday
School Dropouts